Ugh. I am such a fricking dork.
All the kids are going to the chamber tonight. I am still deciding if I want to. If I do go, I will be treated to a lineup of the 5 worst DJs in Atlanta. Roy isn't DJing at all. So that means horrible music, mixed badly ALL night. I can't believe they did this. Also, there is a buffet until 1am, this means there will be people eating food provided by the chamber. Just the thought of it makes me sick. Being around it would probably make me vomit in my mouth. Also, as an extra, added deterrent - there is a human fleshhook ball drop at midnight. Which means guys on fleshhooks hanging from the ceiling and most likely blood dripping down onto the crowd below. All this for the low price of $19.95. No, wait... make that an even $20. That's right! A mere $20 for all this fanfare and festivity!

If I do go, I'd get to see my friends. And do that whole ring the new year in with the people you love thing [I'm not going to dissect our dysfunctional, collectivist existence right now]. However, the people I love will unfortunately be surrounded by throngs of people I don't love. Sigh. This is getting ridiculous. I think I will most likely stay home with the mongrel and read the book.
Tuesday 31.12.2002 9:56 PM
Favourite Quotes of the year.

"I run OpenBSD, chances are you don't... you lame fucker"
A classic from my favourite genius.

"Sherrod, I'll tell you the key to happiness in life... money."
My mother said that and she's right.

"You're too independent"
Yes, I certainly am - and I love it and I plan to become more and more independent. Just. Like. You. You may not be looking for an equal, but the person I'm looking for... is.
Monday 30.12.2002 11:43 PM
Started reading the book today. I feel like I should keep some sort of record. However, I do not feel that keeping it on the public internet is a good idea.

Also, I feel like the geeks of the world don't understand me. Sigh. I'm just a helpless girl and this big scary computer machine is making me frightened. I would love it ever so much if you'd come help me understand. [Imagine me making a pouty face]
Monday 30.12.2002 11:13 PM
Today I cleaned the apt a bit and then went to dinner with Chris and Butch. We went to Mick's and I had delicious soup and some strange ravioli dish. After that we went to BnN and had coffee and looked at books. I bought 3 books and hope to have them read soon. I finished one of them tonight. Its a damn good book. After bookstore fun, Chris and Butch came over followed by Tania, Justin, Andrew and Michele. We played Truth or Dare Jenga. I love Justin and he needs to hook me up. He is a SERIOUS Jenga player.

I'm sort of happy with the way things are going. I got to see Madison and JSS both in one week. As well as lots of other things that were happy events. Its been a good week I guess. I've arranged my addictions such that they are very minimal and interfere in my life very little. This makes me feel great. I love that strength of will feeling. Makes me smiley.

Tomorrow is more recruiter schmoozing and laundry all day. I need to go to the grocery store too. Someone go with me. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease?

I posted the pictures from last night. My bangs look terrible and everyone has redeye.

Chicago issue update : I need to get this over with. Its making me insane. Someone please help.
Monday 30.12.2002 2:14 AM
Oh... update re: chicago appt - I still really, really, really want one.
Sunday 29.12.2002 4:56 AM
I just took Suede for a walk wearing a baby blue ball gown and a tiara.

Wow. Totally strange night at the chamber. I saw Jeffrey Scott Stephens. I hit him really hard twice and told him to get the fuck away from me. Yea! Then all my friends made fun of him for being short. My friends rule and I love them. I ended up talking to Jeffrey Scott Stephens almost all night and I don't think he's evil anymore. He seems ok now. He's still super funny and sardonic and everything.

Its 1995 and Jeffrey Scott Stephens has totally scored the hottest chick in the world. She was 17 and completely in love with him. He was 24 and an idiot and an asshole. After using her for about 6 months he curtly informed her via telephone "I don't love you" and ruined her young life. Fortunately, our heroine had never experienced this before and never has since, but it definitely devastated her at the time. She cried everyday for about a year and then decided to get over it. She got a tattoo on his birthday to mark her freedom even. [Yeah - it was traumatic. You've never had anything traumatic happen to you? Just wait.]

Tonight was just about as perfect as I could've asked for where Jeffrey Scott Stephens is concerned. Even better in some ways than the hundreds of fantasies I've had about seeing him again. Seeing him really changed my perspective on a lot of things. I have new and fun goals and outlooks. I even started the new plan tonight. As my friends and I left Atlanta Diner after the club, I saw a couple of guys walking in. One of them was pretty hot. So I said to him, "Hey... you're pretty hot"...
Sunday 29.12.2002 4:29 AM
Ok, ok, ok.
I admit it. I am totally wanting of a chicago appointment right now. I will try to contain myself.
Saturday 28.12.2002 9:51 PM
I spent the entire day with my mother. She came over at 9am and we worked on her website, then we cleaned up the apartment a bit and then went to the dog park followed by lunch and shopping and then looking at houses she wants to buy. Exhausting, now I have a headache.

We took Suede to the dog park for 2 hours. She had a fabulous time and so did I. I love the dog park. Its the best thing in the world. I love dogs because they are the best thing in the world, so a big field full of them is really really the best thing in world. The dogs at the dog park are a special kind of dog. They are extremely social. More social than regular suburban dogs. They're very excited and pleased to meet cha. They come up and smile and slobber all over your pants and then let you pet them a bit. Next, off they go because they must urgently meet another visitor, be it canine or human - they must meet EVERYone. I'm quite convinced the dog park is the happiest place on earth. Screw Disney - its all about the dogs. Its like a big, huge, chaotic petting zoo of happiness. Normally the people at the dog park are quiet and sit on the rocks staring at the doggy insanity going on. Today was different. My mother was there, which means everyone was subjected to her loud and raucous yattering [A portmanteau of yammering and chatting].

There was a little tiny beagle puppy there who was terrified and hiding near a bush trying not to get run over or eaten by the other excited mongrels. It was so adorable. My mother picked him up and he was shivering. The owner came up. This guy with hideous sunglasses and curly hair, with a cellphone ear piece in his ear. He started talking to my mother about his dog. I walked off. When I come back they're still talking and he looks at me and says, "Hi, I'm Christopher and I'm straight." He also winks at me.

Huh? What? First, "Christopher" is not a straight guy name. Second, there are no straight men in Atlanta. Third, I can only dream of a world where men come up to me and introduce themselves followed by an announcement of their sexual preference. I asked him what he did for a living, he said "I'm a unix networking consultant specializing in FreeBSD... do you need a job?" Heh. Just kidding. He said he was a photographer. *gag* He was sort of smarmy and punchy. A bit of Vince from Swingers sort of attitude, but not so Eddie Haskell, more funny and sort of clever. Hard to describe. Why am I even thinking about this? Those sunglasses were hideous [which lends credence to the possibility of him being straight] and I think he's a smoker. Yeah.

The moral of the story... Well, ok... there is no moral. I'm trying to figure out if he was flirting with me, that's just his personality or he's lived in Atlanta long enough to realize that the women here assume all attractive, outgoing men to be gay. Also, I'd like to encourage the 3 straight men that actually do exist in Atlanta, and all visitors to our fair city to follow Christopher's example and just tell the girls right off that you're straight - I promise, its a good idea.

Going to dinner with Butch and Bigfoot6 now. Chamber for SR later. Worried about Michele, she was supposed to be back on Thursday. I'm hoping she is just having a really good time and stayed a bit extra. I think I'm going to go back to the park tomorrow. Heh.

Saturday 28.12.2002 6:51 PM
Tweezers - my arch enemy.
Saturday 28.12.2002 1:11 AM
All my friends are asleep. I think I might go back to bed myself. I got up too early. Went shopping/returning all day yesterday with Chris, Butch and Heather.

Then went to birthday dinner with them and had the strangest waiter. His name is Jonathan. He can bench 250, he is 21 years old, he likes hardcore, but not like Rob Zombie or anything, he's part irish, he is deaf in one ear. He and the other waiter Juan don't get along because one day they both came in and were having a really bad day and Juan said that if Jonathan got in his way again he was going to knock him out. Jonathan told him to go ahead and try it. Jonathan got my order wrong.

After that we all split up to get ready to go to the Chamber for Heather's Birthday. Madison is in town and I actually convinced him to go out with me. Everyone seemed to have a good time despite the low turn out and HORRIBLE DJing by Vixen/Molly. God, it was awful. She butchered song after song. I'm not a connoisseur of the cheap chamber brand of industrial/goth, but I know when things sound just terrible, and last night its like she was trying to make my ears bleed. I wanted to dance, but couldn't get into it when she was playing two CDs at once. What's that about?

Tania and Kellie did pole tricks, Chris had a fit over his boyfriend who is super hot. Heather spent some quality time in the asylum. Butch wore a really cute red shirt, Whitney looked super fab with her new haircut, and Roy didn't DJ long enough.
Friday 27.12.2002 12:45 PM
Christmas, eh? Today I spent time at my mother's house opening presents and sleeping on her big leather couch. Suede came too and got her presents. I have lots of things to return. I will go tomorrow at the crack of dawn to the mall and do the retail ritual. My mother bought me clothes from the gap. Red, cream and cornflower blue. All colors I would never voluntarily wear. I wonder if there's even anything at the gap I would want. She did get me a cool little beaded purse that's baby blue with cherries on it. Sort of neo-50s looking.

Tonight I spent time with the kids. We went to dinner at the Highlander and then to CVS and DnD. I had some sort of cookie dough shake. That was good. Its now officially Heather's birthday. Heather really understands some things about me and the way I view the world. Its nice not to have to explain things to her. She gets a lot of my ideas before I even fully state them. She tends to finish my sentences on things that annoy me. I say "Yeah, like golden brown hair and golden brown skin and probably wears a lot of brown and khaki and stuff..." Her "Oh my god... those girls who are all the same color? I can't stand that!" I hate that sort of bronzed, washed out look. I hate low contrast and I love high contrast. And any sort of glitter or sparkle or anything on skin makes me want to wretch. Its so generic. That's definitely the word - Generic. My advice : Avoid the generic, standard issue mediocrity in all things.

Last night was the highlight of my holiday I guess. Andrew asked me how much money I made and I said "no, no... this one was for pleasure" Heh. Genius!
Thursday 26.12.2002 2:38 AM
He Said: (no you won't, you never do.)
GirlVinyl: I will too
GirlVinyl: promise.
GirlVinyl: Not to mention - you never ask.
He Said: :P
GirlVinyl: AND... as an added bonus - I am fully dressed and not in bed.
He Said: Then tonight I will ask.
He Said: whoa killer
GirlVinyl: Yeah...
GirlVinyl: you like that, baby?
He Said: I like you both clothed and not.
He Said: collared and not...
GirlVinyl: Awwww.
GirlVinyl: That's the sweetest thing I've heard all day.

It really is the sweetest thing I've heard all day. Maybe even all week. I've never had to make someone love me for my mind before.
Tuesday 24.12.2002 11:31 PM
Exhausted. I had such a long day today. Woke up at like 5.30 and worked on client sites then went to Kinko's to make fancy resume copies and then went to see recruiters. After that, met Michele for lunch and went xmas shopping. I bought presents for my Mom, Dad and Step-Mother, plus two small things for my Secret Satan person, all in the same store in 45 minutes. The SEFN made fun of me when I said I needed to go to Restoration Hardware - well... they can kiss my ass, cause now I'm done with my shopping. I'm going to florida on saturday and returning on xmas eve to Atlanta. I want to spend more time down there, but I have too much going on here. Sigh. I am so exhausted and tomorrow will be just like today except for no fun lunchtime with Miss Michele. Ugh.

I think I am unable to resist the temptations of sleep. Good night, and thank you.
Wednesday 18.12.2002 7:12PM
I really hate Microsoft today.

Normally I just accept their incompetence and badly made products. Today its affecting my work. I hate them and wish their death. k thx.
Tuesday 17.12.2002 12:30 PM
I just ordered pizza... because, well, I'm a depressed 20-something and I think that's the subsection of the economy we are doomed to support, not to mention no one else is delivering right now. My new friend that took my order is a grad student at Emory. He informed me that he had 'just stepped outside and smoked a fat one'. He offered me delivery budweiser and gave me a coupon. Sure, my voice is deadly - but... gosh, Mr. Pizza man.

I put the pictures up from the AtlantaGoth.com party last night. They just illustrate that my friends are incredibly strange and cannot help but make funny faces when presented with a camera. Thank you to everyone who came out, and everyone who helped make it such a great success.
Sunday 15.12.2002 1:01 AM
I think I am in a fight. One day I will write my opinions on art and why I hate it and everything connected with it. However, for the present you'll have to read a small slice of it here.

I genuinely hate people who respond well to being mistreated. Its infuriating.
Friday 13.12.2002 1:15 PM
I stayed in tonight instead of going to see the boys DJ. I love them dearly, but I have to make my money furthering the leftist agenda. The AG party is tomorrow so I'm sure I'll have plenty of time to enjoy myself. Tomorrow night and this weekend are sounding really good right now.

I'm listening to a lot of Rolling Stones and Jawbreaker as I work. I am not a connoisseur of either band - I just know what I like. Jawbreaker has the best lyrics in the whole world. They rival my boyfriend. I think someone once told me that the Jawbreaker lyricist was an english major or something. So, I suppose that proves that it can be useful for something. Million is my personal favourite. Really lovely. I was inspired by Accident Prone though. Everything on the Dear You album seems to really affect me.
Friday 13.12.2002 3:13 AM
Its getting really ridiculous. Seriously. What the hell is wrong with me? It feels like I'm living in a different consciousness from everyone around me, everyone I know, everyone who has ever existed.

Speaking of consciousness... Mr. Jamieson has talked with me about the idea of quantifying and storing consciousness. Basically, the ability to upload an individual's consciousness to some kind of storage media. This would technically make the person immortal in the sense that they would be conscious as long as their disk didn't have read/write errors and they were on a decent UPS.

The doctor is totally bored with me. I'm so not into manufacturing things though. Not things like this. I prefer sincerity and being genuine - even if its less than pleasant or exciting. We're probably just too alike.

Still depresso. MJQ britpop tonight. I know if I put forth the effort and get dressed and go dance I will have a wonderful time and rediscover a bit of something I have lost. Unfortunately I'm too depressed to get dressed. But never too depressed to rhyme. I will stay home and go to bed early. I've been listening to a lot of Gene and New Order tonight. More than usual, even.

we have no bananasInstalled a ton of themes on sifl for fluxbox tonight. That's a good thing. Yes, its a Banana for wallpaper. I like it. I also love transparent terminals. Its no KDE, but at least I can run X again. I missed it so. You know what never lets me down...? Unix. Its funny how I've had my computers for longer than I've had any boyfriend. They're more dependable, more interesting and far more satisfying. I'm going to install BIND and gaim on sifl this week.

NO LIBERALS
NO SMOKERS
NO MUSICIANS

I need to refocus. The doctor is right about some things. He doesn't like how dogmatic I am, but when I deviate from my standards, he finds it distasteful. It is distasteful, and they're standards for a reason. I like my rules like I like my men; explicit, difficult to break and unfairly in my favor.
Wednesday 11.12.2002 11:19 PM
Asking a friend for his updated contact info because I've been sending out a lot of resumes and reference lists lately. This is his response:

GirlVinyl: they mostly seem to ask personality stuff
him: yeah
him: i give rave reviews
him: i couldn't have got that server up with out her.... she's one of the best people i know... made her do all my filing cause she has a hot ass... you know.. the usual
GirlVinyl: hahaahaha
GirlVinyl: oh my god!
Wednesday 11.12.2002 6:51 PM
Tonight I fell in love.
Wednesday 11.12.2002 6:05 AM
I still want to kill myself, and it just keeps getting worse. But, at least my friends are damn funny.

Antiprince: If you want to go to sb that is fine
Antiprince: let's just go over to the house?
GirlVinyl: nooooooooooo
GirlVinyl: kompressor does not drive
Antiprince: do you want me to pick you up late after work?
Antiprince: and say "Woman, get into my volkswagon!"
GirlVinyl: hahahhaahahaha
GirlVinyl: YES!!!!

Actually, I've been thinking about Kompressor lately... I should say KOMPRESSOR, as that's how its meant to be spelled - and I you know, I think KOMPRESSOR is fucking awesome. Not enough people take KOMPRESSOR seriously for the pure genius that KOMPRESSOR is.
Monday 09.12.2002 7:48 PM
I've never been as depressed in my life as I am now. I would kill myself, actually, if I knew how. My best friend is the only reason I have not to. It would be too stressful on him, and I don't want to put him through that. How's that for altruism?

So, I'm miserable. And I'm really not a miserable type of person. I fear I'm not going to win this time.
Saturday 07.12.2002 3:46 AM
Stayed up all night doing X on sifl. Delish! Its all working quite nicely. I need to install a browser and download a million fluxbox themes, but beyond that, I'm all set. I think the DJchicago boy needs some help with it too. Someone should write a howto for me.

My favourite StrongBad email.
Friday 06.12.2002 7:25 PM
What to believe in? It's impossible to say. You make it look so easy.
Thursday 05.12.2002 10:36 PM
I've been really talkative lately. In a web-format sort of way. Everyone is giving rave reviews to the cute little invite I made for the AG party. Its just text, but I suppose its unusual. The paper ones are really better than the .jpg on the web. They're printed on crisp white cardstock and look like a little prescription. So cute! I think we're going to be providing IV morphine and prozac from the bar. I should talk to Amy about that...
Wednesday 04.12.2002 4:49 PM
I'm half way to breaking two interconnected addictions. I really want them over with. Badly. I've done a pretty good job of breaking the habit, now I just need to expel the addiction. I can do it, I think.

I wish lowbrow would resolve for me. That would make me happy.
Wednesday 04.12.2002 1:32 PM
Its 5:00am, and that project I kept putting off has now consumed me and I can't stop working. Typical. I actually opened up winamp and have been listening to music. So strange. I don't normally listen to music. Some people seem to have it on constantly around them. I don't like that. I don't like background music. I like to actually listen to it, and make it my focus.

On the playlist tonight : Jimmy Eat World - Melotron - George Michael - Charlatans UK - Lynyrd Skynyrd - ADULT - Cubanate - Jane Jensen - Soft Cell - Motley Crue - Adorable - Pulsars - Hayden - FischerSpooner - New Order - Wolfsheim - The Flys - Beastie Boys - Neil Diamond - U2 - Kompressor* - Suede - Kent - INXS - Jawbreaker - Blur - Klangstabil - Seabound - Pet Shop Boys - Madonna - Noisex - Sebadoh - MorrisseyMorrisseyMorrissey.

They're going to be SO sorry at that party.

I sort of want something. And I don't exactly know how to get it. I think success is possible, I just need to keep trying. I'm too used to things being handed to me quickly, I should be thankful I get anything at all. Everybody loves a mystery - just some more than others.

*want to get with me.
Wednesday 04.12.2002 5:19 AM
I'm back from Florida. I had a great time. I love my family, they are so fabulous. Jacksonville is a very strange place. My dad bought me a tire guage for my car. He got me a blue one. I don't know why I felt that I could no longer live without a tire gauge - but I did. So, crisis averted, he got me one.

I really hate the winter holidays. I hate xmas especially. I always am disappointed and overly stressed out trying to provide a good time for my friends. So, AtlantaGoth.com is having a party at the Convent. Really AtlantaGoth.com just means Sherrod. Actually, Roy, Butch and Chris have all contributed original content, so I guess it's their's too. The party is called Group Therapy, and the boys said I could DJ a little, which means everyone's ears will bleed and people will cry. I like it.

I'm procrastinating right now because I don't want to work. Someone get me a regular job. Please? I'm also trying to not talk about what happened last night.
Tuesday 03.12.2002 6:43 PM