My mother is iin town visiting. I came home from work the other day and she handed me a stack of envelopes. She said "put stamps on these and mail them." I looked through the addresses and she had gone through and paid all of my bills. Credit cards, electric, cable, phone, all of them. She handed me a piece of paper with a list of everything and the amounts. It said "merry christmas, love mom." I almost cried. That's an awesome and very expensive christmas present. She also bought me a super fancy silver vacuum. She said it would match my apartment, and it does. She's also really into the paintings I did and comments on them a lot. That makes me quite happy as I'm definitely not a painter.

I didn't run tonight. Ugh. Depressing. I will tomorrow though. I need to slsk some more power noise for that though. I've figured out why they call it that - power noise, power bars, power lifting, etc. Heh. I guess the natural coupling of ebm and aerobics is self evident. Requisite Bill Leeb comment.

I say : I dunno, I think he's totally hot.
She says : Yeah... for a midget.

I did 5 more miles today. Was sort of pressed for time though. Favourite stuff to listen to when running: Noisex, Converter, Arzt+Pfusch, Laibach, Soviet and The Who because Keith Moon is a genius drummer.

You've lost all interest in me, I can tell. There must be some other more interesting guy or girl in your life. I just never imagined you would
throw me away with so many good miles left on the odometer.

Got you. You're mine now. For the rest of the day, week, month, year, life. Have you guessed who I am? Sometimes I think you have. Sometimes when you're standing in a crowd I feel those sultry, dark eyes of yours stop on me. Are you too afraid to come up to me and let me know how you feel? I want to moan and writhe with you and I want to go up to you and kiss your mouth and pull you to me and say "I love you I love you I love you" while stripping. I want you so bad it stings. I want to kill the ugly girls that you're always with. Do you really like those boring, naive, coy, calculating girls or is it just for sex? The seeds of love have taken hold, and if we won't burn together, I'll burn alone.

QOTD: "I keep expecting you to bring out pompoms" Heh. Yeah.

Now, it may disgust or bore you that I'm interested in this television show, but honestly I don't give a fuck. Its an amazing document of modern sociology. She really did pick the hot guy. This still shocks me. His name is Jason. He is model-perfect, attractive in a conventional, boring sort of way. He is 26, he is in college and lives with his parents, he wants to be a meteorologist, he could not figure out how to play checkers. He's from Irvine, California and seems very sweet. Not terribly bright or interesting, definitely not complex or fascinating, but damn he would fit perfectly in an Abercrombie & Fitch catalog. He has golden-brown hair and golden-brown skin and has a body that is moderately defined - not too muscular, but of course not skinny. He really is just the most perfect example of generic male beauty there is.

The other guy is named Adam. He is a 27 year old wall street trader who owns his own business. He smiles a lot, has tons of silly friends, has been featured in Fortune magazine and isn't bad looking. He laughs and tells jokes, he seems kind and human, he is alternatingly funny and articulate. He set up all these candles to make their date more romantic, in doing so he accidentally caught a stuffed animal on fire.

Adam is superior, obviously. He has a personality and is successful. He doesn't live with his parents for christ sake. I'm upset that he was disappointed, but at the same time, the fact that that vapid bitch didn't choose him just makes him all the more preferable. You see? She didn't pick him and that makes him even MORE valuable and cool.

Maybe I'm just terribly biased against dating guys who are 26 and live with their parents, or maybe I'd just find talking stocks and bonds more interesting than talking about the weather. That girl really doesn't deserve Adam, and I'm sure anyone who saw this show understands that. Right? I can't be the only person who feels that way. Adam is awesome and I would totally date him. That's saying a lot considering I have the most ridiculous, unreachable high standards in the world.

So, they're doing another season of it in January. The girl this time is an actual former Miss America. They showed previews of it, and it had her talking in a dressing room with a producer - hidden camera. She was all upset and angry about how the guys looked on the first night, and asked if the producers told them to try and look bad. She seemed pretty furious. I think this next girl will be a complete evil bitch and possibly incite backlash from the nerds. Melena wasn't a horrible person, she was sincere, in my opinion - she's just shallow and can't help it. You should make a point to watch the next season, or at least re-runs of this season. I promise it's worth it. It really is revealing and interesting in a cultural sort of way. Plus you'll get to intelligently discuss it with me - and that's totally an incentive.

Strangely, this time the most overwhelming emotion that I have now is "I feel fat" and "I wish I were dead."

Here is what I did in Cleveland:

Thursday - I flew all kthxgiving day, then Andrew picked me up at the airport, and I went immediately to sleep.

Friday - Andrew went to work, and I met up with my friend Damon. He's so great, I've known him for years. He coined the phrase "dress to oppress" and boy does he mean it. We had dinner at Macaroni grill after driving around for an hour trying to find something that was open. We toured the CLE ghetto. It was worse than Atlanta's. Following that it started snowing like crazy and we went to his house since it was close, then someone hit his car - that was fun. Next I went to Target to get Swiss Cake Rolls. The snow was scary and the town was called "Strongbadia". That night Damon went to The Chamber with Andrew and I. It is nothing like The Chamber in Atlanta, aside from some of the same sorts of people. The music was horrible. It made me barf - it wasn't as bad as SF but it wasn't as good as Reno. Skipping CDs and Dead Can Dance do not make for a good evening, in my opinion. I drank lots of water. Andrew introduced me to lots of people. Strangely, Rosalie, Bria and Rosalie's brother Garret were there. I know them from Atlanta. Thus again proving that I can go anywhere in the world and I will know people. Seriously.

Saturday - We went to this mall that reminded me of Lenox or Mall of Georgia. It had some good stores, and no Hot Topic. Malls that don't have a Hot Topic are usually a little elevated and generally better than those who will accept the HT trashiness. I was right, too - as evidenced by the fact that they had a Nordstrom. Mmmm, Nordstrom shoes. They also had a Chick-Fil-A in there. Which of course flipped me out and forced me to eat waffle fries. Yes! I had french fries. I had to, Chick-Fil-A is a legendary Atlanta institution. I haven't had it in almost a year. I needed Christian Chicken. Heh, they invented the chicken sandwich. I fell in love with these shoes at Steve Madden. I really should've bought them. I did, however get some really cheap neon pink fishnets which I ruined at 80s night. I'm going to get more. I wish I had access to Betsey Johnson here. She makes the best fishnets. They're $25, but they're everything a girl could ever want in fishnet legwear. I bought some makeup at Lancome and then we went over to another huge mall thing across the street. They had lots of cool stores, and Andrew went and drooled all over the stuff in the Mac store. I must admit, some of it was pretty cool. That night we went to Capsule to celebrate the birthday of Mr. AngryOrangeHate. He's funny and makes me laugh. He also sang along to New Order with me. I met lots of Andrew's friends there and they were all super awesome and ridiculously good looking. Capsule has really fab decor, and actually more space age than my apartment. The music was so great. The DJ was this crazy queen who was sweating everywhere and playing MP3s on a mac. It was very rock, and made me really happy.

Sunday - I slept too late, which is a huge shocker. We ended up driving around Lakewood and Cleveland and Andrew knew everything about everything. I was pretty impressed. I used to like doing that for people in Atlanta. Its fun. We had brunch in Lakewood and that was super yummy. I've never had so many waitresses get my order right. It was amazing. We drove around and found this dog park with a bunch of crazy dogs, so of course I wanted to stop in and visit with them. That was lots of great fun. That night I got struck by some sort of disease. I was all stuffy and unhappy in general. I took cold medicine and fell asleep on the couch, with my feet in Andrew's lap. Carrie came home then, but I don't remember it really, as I was enjoying a Tylenol Cold medicine coma.

Monday - Carrie and I picked up Andrew from work and then went to StarBeauty! YEA! I got a crazy neon green scarf and a ridiculous fuschia hat. I also got razor-on-a-stick. That was fun. Then we went and had dinner in a really dark restaurant. After that we went bowling at the famous Yorktown Lanes with Batty and Jeremy. Yea! I was still suffering from my cold, but I did ok with the bowling anyway. My high score was a 102. That's pretty good for not having bowled since the 4th grade. Batty is the light of my life. Someday I will serenade her with Neil Diamond's "Forever In Blue Jeans" and she will know my true feelings.

Tuesday - Carrie and I sat in Andrew's bed and made out all day. Heh, kidding. But that would be funny. Andrew got home from work and he and I went to Max's for dinner. It was really good, and they had lots of crazy deserts everywhere. After that we did what I had been wanting to do all week! 80s Night! YEA! I was having seizures of joy and happiness in anticipation of a good 80s night. Andrew's friend Larry DJs at this place called "Pirate's Cove" Arrrrrr! It was so so so great. I was very happy and danced to almost everything. There were so many great people there, it was very MJQesque. That's a huge compliment because MJQ is my favorutire club in the whole world and nothing will ever compare to its greatness. I still wasn't feeling well, but it was just so rock, it was great. I met a skinhead named Chris who had just gotten his penis pierced and that's why he was having trouble dancing. I also met this little asian kid who breakdanced like crazy. Ohio has an abundance of hotness. Wow.

Wednesday- We got maybe 3 hours of sleep and then I had to be up and at the airport. I flew all day, was miserable and then came home to the happy sunshine.

That was my trip. Cleveland is really a super cool place. It reminds me a lot of Atlanta. Lakewood is a lot like Virginia Highlands and Inman Park. It really is a very nice place with one horrible, fatal flaw - the weather. I won't even recount the terrors of the bitter cold and snow there. It doesn't seem to bother any of the people who live there, many of whom said "oh, this is only fall." One Cleveland winter and I would be dead - a Sherrodcicle for sure.

Now I need to get dressed and drive over the mountain to go to some lawyer party. I'm still a little sick, and deciding if I really should attempt to drive or not.